User blog:WikiSchm2000/The MarioMario54321 Review Marathon - Part 46

'''MarioMario54321’s 50th Video! (March 7th, 2008) [Runtime: 7:12] '''

Prelude:

Viewers of this series, we’ve made it to an anniversary! We’ve made it to the 50th video of MarioMario54321! Well, kind of. If you look at the organized playlist I set up, you’ll notice that this is actually the 46th of the MM54321 videos and not actually the fiftieth. So that begs the question, what happened to at least four of the videos before this one? Well I have the answer to at least one of those: originally, Cerulean Cave was two separate videos instead of one. Thus, technically, that would make this the 47th video. And as for the other three…

Yeah I have no answer for that. I assume MM54321 knows how to count, so I know there’s at least three missing here. I’m assuming that MarioMario54321 deleted them for unknown mysterious reasons, and thus they’re forever lost to time. Until I find out any information regarding them, I’m referring to these videos as the Three Musketeers of Missing MM54321 Videos, or the Three Musketeer Videos for short.

But that shouldn’t matter, right? MM54321 getting even close to his 50th video regardless of how many were deleted seems like a monumental feat. And yes, it is rather notable that MM54321 was able to make nearly 50 videos in about seven months worth of time, and I admire his dedication towards making them. But the actual number itself isn’t all too impressive when you consider that:


 * For 2007-2008, all the videos had to be less than 10 minutes. Also, MM54321 only had Windows Movie Maker and Hypercam to make his videos.
 * Quite a bit of those videos were either Mario Party 3, Smash Bros or Pokemon filler footage, and the ones with actual substance only took up a few minutes at most.
 * Mario’s Raceway Takeover as a series cheated with 1-2 minute videos.

So yeah, I doubt it was hard for MM54321 to get to this point. But that’s only half of what we’re focusing on today. Since this is a milestone special, what special thing did MM54321 prepare for us to see? And will it be the best video so far?

See this video first before reading on to get your own properly informed opinion: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-UCwYAn0nI&list=PLNPi6H0sXYaCHQG4Br4q5yZJp8uxhid2B&index=46

The Main Video:

We start with MarySue54321 saying that he’s going to celebrate his fiftieth (47th) video out in the middle of the castle. There isn’t any sort of audience around him, though, and not even Mario’s there to celebrate with him. I’m guessing it’s because either no one is really impressed with MM’s videos enough to bother coming to this or because they know they’re putting themselves at risk getting anywhere near the madman that MM makes videos about. Either way, it seems like MM’s celebrating this alone. Not that I feel sorry for him at all, especially considering how much of a Mary Sue he’s been.

For this video, he plans to troll Mario by increasing a ramp’s velocity ten-thousand fold. And yes that’s in his words, not mine.

Well at least this sounds in-character for MM54321 so far, nothing is too out-of-place for this series yet. Also, MM promised a remix of a song, which is pretty much the most hype I’ve been for anything since knowing I was going to review Wario’s episode in Mario’s Raceway Takeover. I will always retain that some of the best parts of these videos are the Scatman songs or other lyric songs, and being promised a remake of one definitely feels special. MM then gets Mario out of his castle, who immediately says that he’s thrilled to be in the fiftieth (47th) video.

He then runs into a corner of the castle and automatically summons his kart out of thin air somehow. Wait, can Mario somehow keep entire karts in his pocket? Ah whatever this is a Nintendo universe, I’m sure Mario has hammerspace in his clothing. Mario then decides to jump the ramp (successfully this time, unlike his horrific attempt in the Peach’s birthday video) before deciding that going to Saffron City for his fiftieth (47th) video isn’t that exciting of an idea. Instead, he decides to try heading the other direction since he knows that he hasn’t tormented Lavender Town quite enough recently. Also, now that I think about it, is it possible that one of the Three Musketeer Videos had the footage where Mario actually failed this ramp jump before Mario vs Oiram 3?

Well, I must say, MM is quite lucky that Mario made those exact decisions that allowed him to get on the ramp. Imagine if he decided to commit to heading to his original intended direction, or if he immediately tried heading for Lavender Town. We would have gotten lackluster Pokemon footage, Mario Kart 64 footage, or lord-forbid Mario Party footage. And since Mario doesn’t know what happened when he got onto the ramp, I’m pretty sure he didn’t know MM’s intentions. Which means, once again, MM knew this was going to happen and is a complete Mary Sue for knowing. He’s also a Mary Sue for designing this to where it doesn’t propel Mario unless he’s going up on the ramp.

Anyways, Mario ends up flying clear off the map and ends up in the neon lightning void for some reason.

After being in the lightning dimension, Mario is still in Peach’s course, though he finally loses altitude and crash-lands to his death.

Stock Explosion Counter: 7. Well actually no, MM54321 says that the explosion didn’t actually happen. Although realistically, that really should have happened. You don’t just go from Peach’s castle to Toad’s Turnpike crash-landing at a velocity ten thousand times greater than top speed and just turn up perfectly fine. I’m guessing this is just another addition that MarySue54321 put to ensure he had a video to film.

So, finding himself in a turnpike, Mario decides the best course of action is to drive in it at top speed. This is despite my thought that Mario should recognize this immediately as Toad’s Turnpike and realize that this is the only location on the face of the Mushroom Kingdom that has law enforcement, and thus he will not evade justice this time. But since he’s in the 47th video, he’s obligated to listen to Scatman music and thus needs to drive down the turnpike as a result. Upon driving in it, though, he makes some rather unique discoveries.



Okay, one at a time. So apparently this is the year 2121, which means that MM for all purposes has made a time machine that sends people into the future. Again this totally fits in with his Mary Sue powers considering Mario vs Oiram 3, so I’m not even going to comment on that. What I am curious about, though, is why there’s a billboard in the future saying that this is the future. Did they expect for people to accidentally warp themselves to this exact year and suddenly find themselves on this turnpike? Wait, actually, they could. Because MM could have told them that Mario was going to be there, because of course MM would know that information perfectly without flaw.

Also, dang, it looks like Toad’s Turnpike has advanced none in the last century. Literally it’s the same vehicles driving down this road. Pretty much the only things that are different are the billboards and the fact that Scatman is singing a techno remix of his song. Scatman Counter: 20. I like this Scatman remix, btw, at least I would have if I could hear it. Thanks, YouTube! Although since this remix actually exists, we know it wasn’t made in 2121 and thus the future is a sham for copyright. That, or all music in 2121 needs a synthesizer to be considered music.

After being confused as to where he is, Mario suddenly levitates his kart in the air, being caught by the police as expected. The police have tractor beams now to catch criminals, which is actually an intuitive and effective way of catching speeders. Nice to see their technology has upgraded a bit, and Mario levitated adds a bit to that advanced sort of feeling.

The police then explain that the karts of the present day are far better, which I call bull on considering the other traffic looks the exact same. Maybe the improvement is that they don’t burn fossil fuels and actually don’t contribute to global warming like Mario is doing right now? It’s only after they tell him that he’s in the 22nd century that Mario finally pieces together that he’s in the future, which makes sense since we know Mario doesn’t have too many brain cells. So, yeah, the police have a bit of Star Wars technology in the future. Nice. But I don’t think that’s what I’m concerned about.

Why is R.O.B. on all three of these billboards? And why is he always watching everyone? Is R.O.B. the dictator of the world in 2121, and no one bothers to talk about it unless they want themselves to get killed? Because if so, I think Mario needs to get on this case right now. Robotic life is not only confirmed to exist, but it’s confirmed that it will take over life itself if nothing is done to stop them. Perhaps you’d like to take precautions of some form? Oh who am I kidding, we all know MM’s just going to let this happen because it would make for an interesting video or something.

Ignoring that R.O.B. is going to be our dictator in the future and that the future probably isn’t as good as it should be, Mario notes that time machines exist during this year. Wait a minute, how is he so sure about this? Did MM release the secret of time travel to the public by this point, so that literally everyone can traverse time for themselves? Because if so, how hasn’t the entire whole of everything completely fallen apart at this point? There’s no way you can put time travel in the hands of the common public and expect for it not to be torn to shreds, that’s impossible. And also that would make the whole “this is the future” idea that they’re promoting seem rather silly.

Regardless, the police then arrest Mario and place him within a prison literally called “the inescapable prison of the future”. I see the naming convention of this universe is as lifeless as its dictator. Also, I have to assume the police were hired by MM to add the “of the future” part to just troll Mario. But who cares, Mario’s finally paying for his crimes officially! Granted the only crime of this multiverse seems to be speeding on this one turnpike for whatever reason, but Mario’s finally facing prison time for his crimes! And he’s sentenced to…about a week, at most.

So let me get this straight: Mario isn’t arrested for all the mass murders that he’s done or all the property that he’s stolen in the past, but speeding in Toad’s Turnpike is what finally gets him arrested? Whoever’s in charge of law enforcement in this kingdom in the 21st century needs to be fired immediately and replaced, because it is perhaps actually the worst law enforcement I’ve ever seen in my life. They have all those competent officers who can actually arrest people, and they waste them for a single turnpike. I have more faith in the 22nd century honestly since Mario’s only getting a week. I would prefer for life, but hey, it’s at least better than nothing.

So, after his week in the very uncreatively named inescapable prison, Mario finds himself going to Peach’s castle since that’s the only general hub location available in Super Mario 64. The castle is notedly black and white, but for some reason Peach’s stain-glass window is still up on the top. I thought that would have been replaced by R.O.B. since he’s the new dictator, that would have been a neat piece of consistency for this video. But I suppose since this is the future, R.O.B. has a better castle to live in than this outdated building.

Mario also notes that there’s metallic grass and inverted doors around him. Him pointing out other differences between the future and the present are fun to look at, and in general this doesn’t look too bad of a redesign of the castle. Though it kind of looks boring for what’s supposed to be a futuristic castle, I thought there would be metal pathways up to the castle or even different sky textures or something to add to the futuristic flair. Also, shouldn’t the grass being metallic be a giant concern for Mario? What if there’s no more natural grass left? All the animals that rely on that grass would die out! So now there’s two things that Mario definitely needs to mention on his return back that I’m positively certain he won’t.

He searches for a time machine and very conveniently finds one just lying around near where the cannon used to be.

Somehow, despite this being a PUBLIC-USABLE TIME MACHINE OUT IN THE OPEN FOR ANYONE TO USE, there isn’t a line of millions of people in queue to get one. It’s just abandoned out towards the side of a historical castle inside of a whole with no security, no company barring it to make a profit, and no one wanting to use it. And with this time machine’s existence, history is somehow not being constantly rewritten.

Because of how many plot holes this makes, I’m just going to assume they don’t have time travel in the 22nd century at all and that MM is just trolling Mario like he usually does. Honestly it would make more sense, because then we’d know why people in the 22nd century are saying this is the future and would explain why everyone in the 22nd century seems to ignore this time machine’s existence. It would also explain why it’s right next to the castle since that would be the first place where Mario would look. MM just sent Mario to the future, hired the police to troll Mario by placing him in prison, then got him back by placing a time machine there himself. That has to be how this all happened.

Proving my point is that the time machine that Mario jumps into (which is a cannon I guess, so now we have ten thousandfold amounts of gunpowder about to be inhaled) asks Mario where he wants to go, and he simply states the 21st century. He doesn’t state when in the 21st century, but somehow the time machine out of all the random points in that time period gets him to the exact same point where he first left. That is so coincidental that it had to be engineered by a Mary Sue like MM.

So, Mario jumps back to his century and back to the castle, saying that he liked the future except for the part where he spent one week in the inescapable prison. I guess it fits him since he would find robotic dictatorship and oppression of the civilians cool. Although he doesn’t figure out MM sent him into the future until MM literally tells him, so I don’t think we can actually trust what he says about the future. Also, after MM talks, Mario says that he can’t wait for the one hundredth video special despite suffering for a majority of this one. Like, actually, can we get Mario some mental help? MM seems to have broken any trace of intelligence in him, he actually really needs help right now. I don’t know who can help him at this point though, maybe Scatman John?

And that was the fiftieth anniversary! I can say that I liked the idea behind it, with it visiting the future and all. But all the future stuff seemed too underwhelming and too ham-fisted to be that enjoyable. The trip to the future was so obviously labeled as the future that it could never have happened naturally, and there wasn’t actually that much explored in the future other than some technological advances. If there was more to it, I would have liked it.

The Extra Bonus Stuff:

MarySue54321 - 10 lines (One of these days I’d like him to get the short end of the stick on an adventure)

Not Mario - 34 lines (47 videos in and Mario still hasn’t actually been Mario yet)

Future Police - 7 lines (Somehow more effective than the current police, but still stuck on a turnpike for some reason)

R.O.B. - 0 lines (All hail the master of the 22nd Century!)

Computer - 2 lines (Yes it’s technically not living, but since it spoke it counts.)

Total Lines - 53 lines

Biggest Chad: R.O.B. - Okay he had no lines, but it doesn’t get any better than becoming the dictator of the 22nd century. And also I really, really, really don’t want to give MM this award.

Biggest Loser: Mario - I’m still awaiting the day when Mario isn’t my immediate pick for this award. He went to inescapable jail for a week and got trolled yet again by MM54321, and since no other character screwed up he goes here by default.

Favorite Quote: “That’s enough. One week in the inescapable prison of the future should teach you a lesson.” - The Future Police (This sounds like this would come out of a parody, not something actually trying to convince us someone went to the future).

Next time, we’re not going back to the future, but we’re instead going out into space!