User blog:WikiSchm2000/The MarioMario54321 Review Marathon - Part 20

'''Mario VS Oiram 3: The Final Battle (Part 2/3) (November 26, 2007) [Runtime: 6:09. Total Runtime: 13:36]'''

Prelude:

I forgot to mention that in the last video there were some clicking sounds you could hear on the unmuted version, which I found odd. Why was MM’s mouse clicking and interrupting the sound? If it were one click I would understand, but it seemed to click numerous times rapidly when Bowser appeared and when there shouldn’t be anything to click for during his intro scene. I bring it up because it returns in this video near the beginning of the Mario and Oiram fight, only to disappear again randomly. I really have to ask what that clicking was for. Anyways, on with the second part!

See this video first though: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GpXhUE3f0wE&list=PLNPi6H0sXYaCHQG4Br4q5yZJp8uxhid2B&index=20

The Main Video:

We start right where we left the last video off, with Mario fighting against Oiram in a battle on the Silph Co. building.

The fight is about three minutes long and there’s not much interesting to talk about, but I will point out that Oiram’s one Pokemon summon is still a Goldeen. Which means that out of every Poke Ball Pokemon so far, the only one summoned so far has been Goldeen. I’m suspecting there’s a cheat code in play because that is absolutely rotten luck if I’ve ever seen it, there’s no way three of these guys in a row can be the same Pokemon. Also since Oiram summoned it instead of Mario, that must mean he has it for a good luck charm.

And it appears that assumption is right, as Mario actually begins to lose. After getting two of his stocks taken out, seventeen seconds pass (yeah no) and Mario gets down to his last one. Realizing that he’s about to lose, Mario panics before Oiram beats him in battle. You read that right, reader. Oiram actually won in a fight against Mario and killed him! Mario Death Count: 7. And let me be the first to say this:

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!

I cannot be more thrilled over Oiram winning this fight. He trained so hard to beat Mario, to finally rid the world of his evil. And low and behold, he finally succeeded! Granted I assume he needed the cooperation and help of Peach to pull it off, but he did it! He succeeded in killing Mario! I know I should feel bad for Mario but honestly this is an absolute victory for the Mushroom Kingdom. With both Mario and Bowser dead, there’s nothing stopping Oiram from ushering in a new era of peace for the Mushroom Kingdom. Okay sure we’re supposed to believe his rule is evil in nature, but there’s absolutely no description of how he would rule or what terrible acts he committed as a king. The only bad thing he did was kidnap Peach, and even then I think she’s going along with it as consent. Who needs Mario after all when she can have Oiram, who isn’t a violent mass murderer? Plus he does say that he’s an evil ruler, but since Mario lies about being a heroic individual every day I have to assume Oiram lies about being a villain in much the same way. Therefore I have zero reason to believe that this isn’t the happy ending of this series.

The only wrong thing about this description is Mario looking down from heaven, which is a load of crap if I ever saw anything. If there’s anyone in this series most deserving to go to hell it should be Mario, no one else even comes close. ...nah, you know what, I don’t have to believe this. This is the narrator speaking, and the narrator is super biased against Oiram to begin with. I’m taking this as his propaganda and not the truth, because let’s be real, Mario is in the deepest pits of Hell right about now.

But alas, a good ending cannot last forever. Because Oiram forgot to account for the true main antagonist of this series: MarioMario54321, aka this universe’s Mary Sue. MM and Lakitu lament about how Oiram has become an evil dictator which...wait, why do you think he’s evil, Lakitu?

With all the abuse that Mario has given you shouldn’t you be grateful that Oiram’s taken over? Or does MM abuse you similarly to where nothing really changes if Mario’s gone? Either MM is holding Lakitu at gunpoint to say his lines or Lakitu is really convinced by Oiram’s speeches, which would be rather unfortunate.

Regardless, MM states that they need to get a time machine to go back in time and warn Mario. However, since no time machines exist, MM simply decides to run around the Earth supersonically fast to reverse time instead. Which...wait, he can just do that? He can just DO THAT? I mean of course he could, because he’s a Mary Sue. Also isn’t this the worst idea ever made? Superman the Movie should not be where you make logical and rational conclusions on how to reverse time, that movie’s ending was absolutely factually wrong. By reversing the Earth’s spin you’re going to basically make it stop rotating, therefore sticking the Earth in a perpetual frozen state where it’s always night and day in specific locations. And that’s not even counting the numerous global disasters that will occur from it suddenly stopping. So MM’s basically going to destroy the Earth, fantastic!

However, since he’s a Mary Sue, all he has to do is run around the battlefield in speed-up footage with Scatman music playing. Scatman Counter: 13. And the Scatman music has to be sung by Alvin and the Chipmunks so that this effect works. And since it works, MM somehow reverses time to one month prior.

So if this worked, does that mean that people were unborn? Did living beings experience going in reverse and were they conscious during it? No wait we’re going by Superman the Movie rules, so of course they won’t remember anything. It would be awkward if they were conscious, though.

Also can I just say that I’ve realized that I actually hate MarioMario54231 more than Mario? Mario’s been more heinous and a villain, sure, but at the same time he’s rather fun to mock. Even for his physics-breaking powers and holier-than-thou attitude, Mario very often gets into trouble that either incites his behavior or basically punishes him for being wrong in the first place. The assurance that the world can act against Mario at any point makes him feel more realistic and more grounded as an individual, and that for any time he cartoonishly gets away with manslaughter he could very well be stricken into poverty the very next day. And for being the supposed main protagonist of this series, it’s cool to see that Mario has to struggle through some hardships.

MarioMario54321, on the other hand, is basically perfect in every way. He’s the master of the videos and thus can get away with literally anything. The worst he’s gone through is getting cold on an adventure, but that’s nothing compared to what Mario and Luigi have been through. He has an area that only he can access, can screw Mario out of a happy ending and get away with it, knows about everything faster than the Mario Brothers, got Cerulean Cave’s treasure before them, and now he can casually reverse time and set things back to a month prior because he felt like it? Plus, since MM’s doing this, isn’t this more evil than what Mario could possibly do? So even in being evil Mario can’t compare to MM! What can’t MM do better than our main characters? Well we’ll learn later that he’s going to be unable to beat Oiram by himself because of a specific rule, but that hasn’t been explained or introduced yet so for now I must question why MM didn’t beat Oiram himself. Surely he’s more capable than Mario since he’s literally a god.

Well, apparently I guess he wants Mario to suffer through more of his videos so he decides to bring him back. Lakitu mentions that Oiram is constantly watching them, and if he was then I have to bring up why Oiram didn’t stop them. Oh right, because Oiram realizes that MM is a Mary Sue and thus there’s no possible way to beat him. Right. So MM speeds around with an XD plastered on the screen, because of course reversing the Earth and traumatizing everyone on it is funny to MM. Yeah, okay. Sure.

We go back one month...somehow...and we see Mario chilling near the castle. Mario, I’m so sorry! I haven’t appreciated you enough as a character, even if you are a mass-murdering psychopath and a betrayal of Mario in nearly every way. Anyways Mary Sue warns him about Oiram’s survival, which he can prove by showing Mario a Smash 64 fighter select screen. MM surmises that the problem is that Oiram is a CPU level 9 while Mario is a CPU level 3, and he fixes Mario’s to 9 and Oiram’s to 1 to fix the issue.

That is, without a doubt, the dumbest way to make Mario win this next fight. Changing Oiram’s CPU number? Are you kidding me? That’s not a clever meta moment, that absolutely destroys every merit that could have gone into reversing time itself! This would work if Oiram just cheated his level, but it was said earlier that Oiram trained! He legitimately got that level 9 CPU level! Granted since this was a month earlier somehow Oiram maxed out while having amnesia, but why would MM go back a month instead of like two days if this was all he had to do? I thought the month prior was to get Mario to train, not to use a cheat system to make Mario into a fighting god!

And also, if MM can do that, then he definitely let Mario die on purpose for the YouTube views. There’s no way MM wouldn’t have noticed Oiram’s increase in power and not acted on it if he was really concerned with the Mushroom Kingdom’s safety. And if MM can just adjust Mario and Oiram’s strength manually, he’s basically the ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom by default. The mere idea of anyone standing up to him or matching him is utterly laughable, he literally can make his allies more powerful if he so wants to. He is actually unstoppable, and bar none unbeatable. Peach’s spot as the ruler is a farce, only having it because MM hasn’t decided to take over the throne for himself yet. Such is the way of a Mary Sue.

And also, this really sucks, doesn’t it? Oiram finally gets a well-deserved victory and gets it immediately taken away by a Mary Sue who wants Mario’s vile acts to continue for the sake of internet fame. I feel so bad for him, he should have won! #JusticeForOiram. With that depressing note, the video ends.

Really I think the whole ‘MarioMario54321 travels around the Earth and reverses time’ part broke me. I never realized how bad of a character he actually was until this moment, and now I despise him with all my heart. He’s too perfect. He’s literally too perfect of a being. Legitimately I’m looking forward to the next part only because I know he doesn’t appear in it.

The Extra Bonus Stuff:

Oiram - 3 lines [36] (Didn’t have much time besides that one fight)

Mario - 7 lines [36] (Got a decent amount of time, but he died in the middle so it was taken by a Mary Sue instead)

Toad - 0 lines [4] (Probably got screwed over when the Earth’s rotation stopped)

Bowser - 0 lines [2] (A 1-up Mushroom is probably going to bring him back later, don’t worry.)

Peach - 0 lines [0] (Literally never mentioned in this video, it’s almost as if her kidnapping was utterly pointless to the plot or something)

Extra Smash Pokemon (Chansey, Electrode, Charmander, Venusaur, Goldeen, Meowth) - 0 lines [0] (They exist.)

MarioMario54321 - 18 lines [18] (GRRRRRR WHY DID YOU GET ALL THE SCREENTIME)

Lakitu - 4 lines [4] (MM ran around at supersonically fast speeds, and yet Lakitu could still record the whole thing.)

Biggest Chad: Oiram - I don’t care if he got screwed hard in the end, Oiram deserves this more than anyone else for finally winning one. In fact, I said I'd never do this again, but I'm giving Oiram a Medal of Honor for his victory. The guy deserves it.

Biggest Loser: Mary Sue 54321 - The guy ragequit and basically caused the apocalypse on Earth just because he was butthurt over Mario losing. In fact I dare say that's an act worthy of him getting the Medal of Dishonor alone, not to mention him using cheats to help Mario win.

Favorite Quote: “Mario can win in Part 3!!” - Narrator (The promise for the next episode. Not ‘he will win!’ despite MM literally cheating it to where he will win.)

Are you ready for Part 3 of this series? Well too bad, because we’re covering a Christmas Special next!