User blog:WikiSchm2000/The MarioMario54321 Review Marathon - Part 3

Super Mario 64 Bloopers: Mario VS Oiram (August 13, 2007) [Runtime: 7:35] 

Prelude:

If you’ve ever heard of MarioMario54321, chances are you’ve heard about one of the most popular and iconic antagonists in all of Super Mario 64 machinima. You’ll also know that he was the creator of this popular antagonist group named the Doppelgangers. These popular foes appear in a great deal of MM54321 productions, so much so that any videos they appear in have transcended the other videos and have become its own canon. Yes, MarioMario54321 has an official canon, made of all the more ‘serious’ videos in comparison to his more relaxed and laid-back ones.

Basically, the concept of one of these beings is that they’re supposed to be the polar opposite of already existing people. From the title of this video, you can gather that Oiram is supposed to be Mario’s Doppelganger. It all sounds good, until you do some research and realize that the word ‘Doppelganger’ actually means ‘look-alike’, of which you will quickly find out that these beings don’t even fit that criteria. Heck, just one look at a Castlevania game (preferably Symphony of the Night) should inform you of what one actually is. Now, I will give some credit that some of these beings are depicted as evil counterparts in some media, but at least they look like whoever they’re imitating.

Some of the fandom has agreed, calling some of these Doppelgangers ‘evil counterparts’ (which you will find out later is blatantly untrue). In the events of my Death Trapper Chronicles novel I just refer to them by the far more accurate sounding ‘Opposites’ and will continue forever to do so. However, I understand how iconic and long-lasting the actual name of theirs is too, so I won’t bother to change it for this review series. With that being said, let’s go ahead and begin our first video.

As always, watch before you continue reading: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yvk9jFwh2Io&list=PLNPi6H0sXYaCHQG4Br4q5yZJp8uxhid2B&index=3

The Main Video:

Right off the bat we start with Mario declaring that he’s bored one sunny  day. He’s so bored, in fact, that he can’t even muster to declare it’s a beautiful day like he for some reason always does. I’m surprised he’s even bored considering he should be some days fresh off a kill and he has bounds of lava to walk on, but I guess the life of Mario cannot be one to ever comprehend. So, for the first section of the video, he’s attempting to decide what to do. He thinks about going up the waterfall first, which is pointless since it’s impossible to climb up it in SM64 and because he should already know what’s up there. That, and that’s what the next video is going to do anyways.

Deciding to save that for later, Mario instead wonders about a hole in the moat of the castle. Again that makes little sense since Mario should already know the Vanish Cap course is down there, and I’m starting to wonder if Mario is just trying to figure out which portion of Mario 64 he should play to pass the time. After literally running around the castle, he decides finally to go to the metal pool and jump inside. So in other words, he wants to go to Hazy Maze Cave. A bit redundant, but we’ve got him committed to doing something now so I guess we’re good. Also, with a line like ‘this way!’ I’m going to assume Lakitu’s having an off day and is slacking behind. For shame, Lakitu, get yourself together!

Interestingly, this is not one normal visit to the metal pool. While making MIPS run like a total coward, Mario notes that he doesn’t want to run into his evil twin Oiram. Which...okay first off, the word Doppelganger wasn’t used quite yet, MM54321 most definitely made up its lore as it went along. He didn’t do a bad job of it, making the reveals seamless...when he wasn’t retconning a bunch of stuff. But we’re not to that yet. Second, you’ll notice he said evil twin and not Doppelganger. Which...I mean works. Heck it’s actually the correct definition of a Doppelganger so he’s on the right track. Alright, I can buy it. Although this is the second time that Mario’s tempted fate so far, and I’m starting to wonder if he’s a living word bomb that brings havoc whenever he doesn’t wish for it.

So, Mario jumps in, and immediately we get his evil twin Oiram.

Great work, Mario! You truly didn’t screw yourself over with your own words there! It appears he was trapped at the lowest point of Hazy Maze Cave, stuck sleeping in the light when Mario trapped him for...years? Wait, what? There was a skirmish between them years ago? What happened then? What led Mario to barbarically trap Oiram there for years, with no food or water or anything? How long did Oiram suffer in isolation? I don’t think that’s getting rid of a problem Mario, I think that’s indiscriminately making a worse one! ...wait, why am I surprised? This is the ‘Morally Questionable Mario Era’ after all.

Also, is it just me or does Oiram not look like Mario? Okay sure he’s got Mario’s general appearance plus the outfit, and we haven’t seen any other characters yet so let’s have some suspension of disbelief. It’s just the outfit of Oiram that’s different, not his face. I can totally buy that he’s Mario’s twin for now. So after being spiteful of a sane-questionable plumber for so long, Oiram immediately declares he’s going to destroy him. Which...okay that’s actually a perfectly reasonable reaction given what he did to you, so I guess I don’t blame Oiram.

We’re on the third video and I’m rooting for the unrepentant villain to win. You know something’s wrong when that happens, right?

Anyways, Oiram decides to leave the (in-story and not using the menus to cheat) fastest method possible: through the Metal Cap Caverns. And wouldn’t you know it, since it’s a law of the area Oiram immediately gets a Metal Cap once he enters. Now, it won’t last at all since it’s only a temporary power-up, but let’s not think that way for a second. Oiram was literally granted a literal free advantage towards killing his good twin. He has metal armor, which is super durable and hard to attack against. So logically he’d try to bring it to the fight with Mario while he still has time, right?

...wrong. He instead detours around the caverns and heads the OPPOSITE DIRECTION OF THE EXIT just to play around with his metal cap. And once he loses it you’d expect for him to swim for the exit. But instead he tries swimming opposite of the current. ''And fails. AND CALLS FOR HELP as he’s carried away!''

Good villain introduction, Oiram. I’m totally terrified of the guy who cries like a baby for not being able to swim against a current in Super Mario 64.

Although if you look at it, I suppose this is an accurate representation of how Oiram should be. He’s cowardly unlike the brave Mario, unfit unlike him, and not really intelligent (although let’s be real he’s still better than Luigi in smarts). Don’t know how he shares the bloodlust but maybe some traits are too strong to change. So after that seemingly pathetic detour he finally decides to go and kill Mario. And...

Oh no, the Bad Music is playing! I guess it plays whenever someone’s about to commit a murder, which is a really bad thing. Wonder if they’re gonna have some variety or if it’s just going to be this one track all the time. Before he goes inside the castle, Oiram drops a hint that the only way to awaken him was to jump into the pool of metal. Which is interesting because...wait, what. So Mario did the exact thing that frees him? I...I...what? WHAT?

Okay, no, Mario can’t be that dumb. He just can’t be! I’m just going to assume that Mario doesn’t know about that and that Oiram had set up some sort of trick. I mean given that Mario plays fair it’s only natural that…

Oh wait, one of Mario’s next lines is that it should have been obvious that the metal pool freed Oiram. ...I see stupidity is a trait that runs in Mario’s entire family. Mario, REALLY? Are you that dense and stupid? You mentioned him earlier, you literally brought him up when coming back to the metal pool! It’s the one thing that keeps one of your enemies from being free to try and kill you! It was one simple thing to remember, how could you forget? I don’t know what’s more unbelievable though, the fact that Mario forgot that or that he somehow refrained himself from going to Hazy Maze Cave for entire years.

So knowing that he screwed up so badly that Luigi would be ashamed of him, Mario goes out and wonders what he’s going to do. He first thinks of apologizing to Oiram which...yeah, actually, you need to do that. You left him suffering and starving for years, I think that’s decent for you to do. Then again he’s so evil that I still think he’d happily kill you so to think that’s a solution would be pretty dumb. He then changes his mind and wants to battle instead, which...yeah that fits in with this Mario all right.

So he encounters Oiram inside the castle next.

Oh no, the Bad Music is playing! Again!

Oiram basically says he’s going to kill Mario like five different times and invites him to go to the Tower in the Sky. I’m assuming they’re going to battle there without the Bad Music considering Mario’s learned from last time that it causes random paralysis to whoever hears it. Oiram says he’s going to see him there dead which...hum, he kind of has to be alive to get there in the first place so I’m not sure what you mean by that Oiram. Oiram then thinks Mario won’t arrive because he’s a chicken. First off, you clearly don’t know Mario well. Even with his botched characterization he’s definitely not a coward like Luigi is. Secondly, if you think he won’t show up then why are you inviting him to go up there anyways? Just kill him in the castle while you still...oh wait yeah the Bad Music is there. Smart call, Oiram.

Also, apparently Oiram wants to float in the Tower in the Sky. Not a tower stretching up to the sky, a tower literally floating above the sky and above the bloody Mushroom Kingdom castle. The kingdom sure is lucky that thing doesn’t get pulled down by gravity, otherwise we’d have a catastrophe on our hands. Although since it’s a Smash 64 stage Oiram’s actually smart, Mario can’t use his physics-breaking powers there. He reveals his plans to basically make the Mushroom Kingdom hell after Mario’s death, which would be terrifying had we not seen the calm currents make him cry out for terror seconds beforehand.

Mario, deciding not to take Oiram’s crap, follows after him. Now, you’d think that he’d request for some back-up like Luigi since I assume that Oiram’s going to be waiting for...wait never mind he hates Luigi now. Good going Mario, you ruined your one chance at back-up for this mission. He also states that he’ll turn things back to normal when Oiram dies which...hum, things look pretty normal to me. Don’t know what you’re talking about. So Mario tries using Scatman Music, only for him to realize he doesn’t need it since the flight doesn’t take long.

Once they completely transcend games and enter Smash 64, Oiram figures out that the accursed Bad Music has followed them. He then manually starts Scatman music, meaning we have to add to the counter. Scatman Music Count: 2. What follows is...a Smash 64 fight. Which works I guess, also Oiram’s colors are actually on there so let’s take a rare moment to appreciate things going right for MM for once. It’s clear Mario is dominating since he’s controlled by a human and not a CPU like Oiram is.

So after some fighting, apparently they both go from 5 stocks to one. Given they’re at 0% I have to assume this is a brand new match or that Mario just SDed himself four times for no apparent reason given how poorly Oiram was doing earlier. At the end of the match, somehow a Bob-omb is summoned and Oiram sets it on fire with a fireball, killing himself in the process! Which means that somehow Mario got away with accidental murder TWICE! You lucky son of a bitch, how come fate makes it to where Mario’s hands are clean each and every time he tries to kill someone?

So, satisfied and drunk with his luck, Mario decides to end things by flying away. And at the end MM reveals that Mario and Oiram are total opposites, with Mario being good and Oiram being evil. I can get Oiram being pathetically evil, but Mario good? The guy who murdered his brother in cold blood and forced Oiram to starve and suffer for years is somehow good? ...yeah I’m not buying it at all.

So that was the first Doppelganger video, a video that taught us that Doppelgangers can’t fight our protagonists and that they also are deathly afraid of rapids. Truly a frightening and potent introduction to our main antagonists.

The Extra Bonus Stuff:

Mario - 39 lines [51%] (Main character got a similar amount of lines to his main antagonist obviously)

Toad - Nothing (No one really cared for him anyways)

MIPS - Nothing (Just got passed by Mario without even being greeted, that’s how you can tell Mario’s being cold)

Oiram - 37 lines [49%] (He ran his mouth and talked the big talk, but in the end he’s still the kid who screamed going down the kiddy slide at the water park)

Goldeen - Nothing (Pff Mario’s luck is atrocious, the first Pokemon he summons ever and it’s this thing?)

Bob-omb - Nothing (Was just a Smash item and was incapable of speech)

Total Lines: 76 (The most so far)

Biggest Chad: The Bob-omb - This thing was the one that killed Oiram, therefore it is automatically the hero of the story. Rest in peace, oh great Bob-omb. You will never be forgotten.

Biggest Loser: Oiram - I mean come on when you scream for help at water rapids that automatically makes you a huge loser.

Favorite Quote: "Heeeeeeeeelp!!" - Oiram (Oiram's desperate plea for help as he's being taken away by the rapids. Not what I expected a main antagonist to be crying out in his first outing.)

But what about that waterfall? Should we be concerned about that? Well, join us next time as we explore it!