User blog:WikiSchm2000/The MarioMario54321 Review Marathon - Part 29

'''Mario Party 3 Bloopers: Waluigi's Island! (Part 2) (February 2, 2008) [Runtime: 7:00. Total Runtime: 13:12] '''

Prelude:

This is the second part of the Waluigi’s Island story, released on apparently the same day as the first part. I suspect that this was done to avoid getting past ten minutes as the runtime. However, as you’ll see later on, I’m not certain this should have taken more than ten minutes. Heck in all seriousness I don’t even think this could have lasted more than five minutes in the absolute most gracious of scenarios due to all the Mario Party filler fluff. But I’ll get to that in the proper review.

See this video first before reading on to get your own properly informed opinion:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0uBg2UZtiV8&list=PLNPi6H0sXYaCHQG4Br4q5yZJp8uxhid2B&index=29

The Main Video:

We start with Mario waking up from a nap in the castle, no doubt taking a rest after the whole explosion thing occurred. After taking a rest he decides to go back to the island, believing that it would recover from the bomb by that point. Wait...wait what? Hold on, I’m confused. So this is a bomb that Mario was obscenely worried about, right? One where he not only left the island but also used the castle as a bunker despite it being damaged, right? In that case, then that thing was an island-covering atomic bomb. There’s no bloody way that Mario should be going back to that place. There shouldn’t be an island left to go back to! And even if there was, the radiation alone would be fatal to literally anyone!

But apparently Mario’s dead right as the island ended up being perfectly fine from the explosion. (As a side note, the footage of him coming back is just the Dire Docks footage from the previous video with the screen reverse. The UI is still on which means the illusion is completely ruined.)

So...none of it was destroyed? Like, that bomb wasn’t fatal to the island as a whole? It’s just fine now? Wha...what? Okay so I guess that wasn’t an atomic bomb that Waluigi had. Like, that can’t be an atomic bomb. There’s no way that an entire island plus all of its contents can just be built back in the span of a nap. There’s no way that an entire island radius full of nuclear chemicals and radiation can be cleaned up in the span of a nap.

Therefore I have to question this entire plot. Did Mario get tricked by the others into thinking that it was an atomic bomb? Did they just teleport a few miles away with the warp blocks, trick Mario into leaving out of fright and then just carry on with the game? I very much doubt so because Mario expected the island to come back, which is pretty unreasonable. Therefore he must have known that it wasn’t an atomic bomb. But that makes no sense either because if that really was the case then that makes Mario’s escape of the island pathetic in hindsight. He really left an island to escape a measly bomb? One whose effects could be repaired in the span of less than an hour?

Okay I can’t come up with a satisfactory explanation for this, this is legit a massive plothole. And in cases like these I have to play the worst card possible. That card. The Mary Sue 54321 card. I think that really was an atomic bomb, but MarySue54321 with his god-like powers restored the island back instantly and duplicated the warp blocks that Wario had so that the others could teleport back without Mario. If he can somehow stop the Earth’s rotation and time travel by foot then I don’t see how this is out of the realm of possibility for him.

So, with the island restored by the guy filming all of this, Mario ends up missing quite a bit of the party. It turns out that the other players have been doing well without him, getting 99 stars and 100 coins in the process.

Okay I just have to say, how? How did they get 99 stars each in the span of...how many turns? Um...let’s be generous and say 40 turns. So somehow they got more than 2 stars every single turn, with there being 6 stars awarded every single turn. When the normal average is perhaps one star for every 2-5 turns. Nah, that’s impossible. Sorry that just is, there’s no way that’s possible under normal conditions.

This is no doubt a plot on the behalf of Luigi and the Wario Brothers to spite Mario. They convinced MM to film on Waluigi’s Island just so that they could curbstomp Mario hard at a Mario Party game. And no doubt MM used his hack powers to give them the max amount of stars possible (which he actually did out-of-universe). It’s a pretty nefarious trick to be fair, and one that I’d applaud. However their brains seem to be functioning as slowly as ever because they forgot one important detail.

And that’s that MM is biased towards Mario as all hell. Suddenly even though Mario literally has nothing, a random Whomp comes in and predicts him as the winner. Then somehow he gets 99 stars and 255 coins, going in the lead in the span of a literal intermission.

So my theory about MM helping the others cheat was 100% correct and you can’t convince me otherwise. Also I should be correct about MM sending that Whomp in to help Mario, because of course MM wouldn’t let Mario not be the best at something (unless he’s bored and decides to switch things up). And no doubt the Whomp is going to take the fall for this somehow because for how limited their brains are, I can’t imagine they’d be dumb enough to think they can beat this universe’s god.

Understandably everyone else’s day is ruined by this revelation and they have no choice but to inevitably lose this match of Mario Party.

On the last turn there’s only a few interesting things that actually happen. The first is Wario apparently guessing his triple dice roll is going to be 24 about fourteen seconds ahead of time. If you’re wondering how that’s possible at all, don’t worry because our boy Luigi’s just as confused.

Then the director of the video, who I’m going to call MM because come on, it's totally him, outright chastises Wario for knowing that information. So basically that confirms two things. One, MM rigs the dice rolls ahead of time, because of course he can do that. Second, Wario either has psychic powers or he somehow stole the script from MM. And if they really are using scripts then I would expect them to have protested long beforehand or just refused, then been strong handed by MM into doing these videos. So does that mean everything that happens here is fake, that it’s just an act put on by these characters?

...nah that’s no fun. Let’s just pretend this is for real and that MM doesn’t hand scripts ahead of time. With that being said, Wario’s a psychic. You can’t convince me otherwise. Also MM himself can’t spell supposed correctly and I reckon that he’s the one that placed the misspelling curse onto everyone else. Sopposed Counter: 4. Other than that there’s a minigame where Luigi is stuck in a barrel and gets curb stomped by the other players. But because MM has cheat codes on the results of the minigame don’t bump Luigi to last place.

The match ends and unsurprisingly Mario ends up winning in the end.

All the while the end credits of Super Mario Galaxy are playing, and I really cannot stress how unfitting this music is. This should be used for the grand exit of a series, not a finale to a bloody Mario Party match. Once the party ends, everyone seems to go their separate ways. The world’s slowest title crawl informs us of what everyone else did. Wario apparently dressed himself as Mario and punched himself, which makes me question and worry a lot about Wario right now. He definitely needs mental therapy after what just happened.

Waluigi meanwhile is making improvements to his island. And knowing what he had on that island before, I am scared as hell about what he has now. Is he making a planet-wide atomic bomb next? Or numerous atomic bombs to cover the entire planet just to make sure that Mario can’t possibly win the next time? I wouldn’t put it past him at this stage. But most surprising is Luigi who decides to murder the Whomp that gave Mario what he needed to win. He didn’t even hesitate this time, he just straight-up murdered that innocent creature!

I...no, I’m struggling to come up with an explanation that benefits Luigi here. I guess the mental trauma got to him and he couldn’t stop himself this time? After dealing with Mario all these videos I think I’d snap too, plus Luigi was already showing numerous signs in the previous videos. Or was it a rage against MM and Mario combined? If it was the both of them then it makes even more sense as to why Luigi took out his rage on the Whomp. Obviously he couldn’t hurt either of those two and had to settle for the next best thing. Poor Whomp, I feel so bad for him. He probably got manipulated into helping out his hero Mario and didn’t know what the consequences would be. Either way I’m not a fan of what Luigi did, but at the very least what happened to him was completely unfair.

So that was Waluigi’s Island! Honestly if you cut out the minigames and like 3 minutes out of part 1, plus a whole 2-3 minutes out of this one you’d have the plot of the whole story. Heck you could even speed up the text at the end and shorten that 3 minute run to one. Because the worst thing you could do is make your text crawl slower than Star Wars.

The Extra Bonus Stuff:

Evil Mario - 9 lines [25, 42%] (Yep he still has the most attention. Obviously.)

Terrorist Waluigi - 4 lines [12, 20%] (Lucky him, he gets 2nd in terms of lines!)

Luigi - 7 lines [11, 19%] (He would be 2nd if his three minutes of sole Whomp-killing screen time weren’t taken up by the world’s slowest title crawl.)

“Fat Guy” Wario - 4 lines [10, 17%] (Also apparently a psychic.)

Millenia Star - 0 lines [0] (I bet MM has him under his hand.)

“Buy my stuff now” Toad - 0 lines [0] (If you want to be technical it was Toad that physically accepted and handed Mario the goods. This is like the rarest instance of )

Tiny Bowser Deluxe Clone - 0 lines [0] (Buggered off this time)

Random Dice Man whose name I can’t bother to look up - 0 lines [0] (If he ever shows up again I’ll get his name)

Mario Simp Whomp - 0 lines [0] (Okay he might have been hired by MM, but we all know he was picked because he’s a Mario Simp.)

Director who I’m guessing is MarioMario54321 - 1 line [1, 2%] (His list of bullshit powers keeps growing and growing each story)

The Bank Koopa who wants MONEY - 0 lines [0] (Luigi mentioned how much he hated banks here so here you go. Enjoy the same Tom and Jerry movie reference whenever he pops up)

Total Lines: 59 lines

Part Biggest Chad: Wario - Anyone with the power to see 14 seconds into the future is an automatic biggest chad.

Part Biggest Loser: Luigi - He finally snapped and killed someone in this video, plus he lost in the barrel challenge. Although honestly just about everyone apart from MM should be here.

Overall Biggest Chad: Mario Simp Whomp - Technically it should be MM because he played literally everyone, but I’m not going to award this to a Mary Sue playing god mode. That’s just cheating on his part, and not fun at all. Nah, this Whomp went along with MM’s plan and helped screw three very angry plumbers out of a victory. That takes immense guts, even if he did pay for it in the end.

Overall Biggest Loser: Waluigi - By a long shot. His terrorist weapon is nullified in mere seconds and he loses on his own home territory thanks to hacks.

Favorite Quote: “Wario went home, dressed up like Mario...and punched himself in the face.” - Narrator. (As fitting and petty as this is, this implies that Wario has Mario clothes in his house for self-harm roleplay. Which is...disturbing to think about…)

If you thought we were free of Mario Party, you’re dead wrong. Join us next time as we look over “Banned in the Party”.