User blog:WikiSchm2000/The MarioMario54321 Review Marathon - Part 5

'''Super Mario 64 Bloopers: The Secret of the Waterfall Part 2 (August 16, 2007) [Runtime: 9:25. Total Runtime So Far: 14:45]'''

Prelude:

With the previous video having completed, MarioMario54321’s set of fans had to wait an entire day before getting the thrilling conclusion to this series. AKA any manga reader’s dream waiting period for seeing the next chapter. This is a significantly longer video than the previous one so expect this review to be quite a few paragraphs longer as well. I’ll assume you read the first part because you’re reading this part next, and if you haven’t then go read the previous part first.

Watch the second part here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHAQrXgXhqI&list=PLNPi6H0sXYaCHQG4Br4q5yZJp8uxhid2B&index=5

The Main Video:

So the conclusion of Mario’s gunpowder inhaling dreams commences, with Mario thinking back to the scenario when he ended up winning the slide race. However, since he didn’t win in the alternative ending he dreamt up, the voice of nowhere in particular basically took his star away from him.

Mario in frustration curses MarioMario54321’s name and proceeds to...wait a minute! He’s cursing the creator of these videos for taking his star away? So does that mean the voice has been MM all along? Or is MM the force that the voice is talking about? Either way Mario seems to think MM has some godly power over this world to be able to take stars away using parallel universes.

But since I’m speculating Mario inhaled gunpowder and is hallucinating, I’m going to give the benefit of the doubt and say that MM isn’t a god of this universe. Surely he doesn’t have those sorts of powers, right? ...right?

…

Anyways, Mario finishes his dream by trying to escape from the obviously brand new location that isn’t an existing one with a new appearance. He first hits a star block and gets warped to the entrance...which works because of dream logic. Because this is totally a dream. And then he hits a switch to wake himself up, finally realizing that he’s in a cannon and activating it to shoot away. Lakitu, getting PTSD from all the horrible things Mario stated about him earlier, freezes up mid-cannon shot until Mario yells at him just like before.

So in other words, Mario came into the cannon an abusive star-seeking plumber and left pretty much the same way. Wasn’t he supposed to learn that...actually what the hell was he supposed to learn in that dream? That life is completely unfair and will screw you over at points and you just need to move on with life instead of staying and complaining about it? I mean that’s the most I get out of this dream concerning that lost star, and already Mario’s showing he hasn’t learned from it at all. I don’t blame him since he really was screwed out of it horribly in-universe, but still, not a good sign for his psyche.

He also discovers that the boat sank which...actually wait a minute it sank? But isn’t that impossible, you can’t re-sink the ship in Mario 64 while remaining in the same level! It’s preposterous! Also I suspect that this ship sank because of La Revolucion and was one of Peach’s vessels if this is the case. Dangit, MM, we could have been seeing that instead of Mario’s gunpowder hallucinations! Let us see La Revolucion in its full glory!

Instead of that interesting stuff, though, we get Mario trying to escape Jolly Roger’s Cave. He first scouts it out and tries to do the treasure chest star (even though he collected that already), which proves he’s probably still suffering after-effects from the gunpowder. As expected, it comes up with nothing, which frustrates Mario more and makes him declare it’s worthless.

Which...I mean not really, you could just trek out towards the castle from there. Heck if you went to the bay you could escape much easier (or press the menu button since you seem to know you’re in a video game).

But instead of making any sensible decisions, he wanders around in absolute misery, saying that there is no happiness, only Goombas.

Wait a minute, that’s racist! I knew this was the ‘Morally Questionable Mario Era’ but REALLY Mario? You’re gonna disregard an entire species like that? Goombario and Goombella would be outright pissed at you if you said that right in their faces, did their friendship in the RPGs mean nothing to you? Well taking the most ridiculous part of the dream and learning from it, Mario decides to hit a switch to escape the cave. The blue coin switch, which only summons blue coins and does nothing else. And it apparently works since Mario finds himself right back on Tall, Tall Mountain.

Excuse me, WHAT?

But...but that was supposed to be dream logic, that wasn’t supposed to actually happen! But if the switch really does that, then everything I’ve talked about from Jolly Roger onwards has to be put into question! Literally nothing I’ve said remains validated anymore! So I guess the cannon hole really was a portal to the 122nd star somehow since the blue coin switch logic works the same in both. And somehow there really is an alternative universe where Mario lost the challenge and got screwed out of it. Which means that somehow this isn’t Jolly Roger Bay, but a place that looks exactly like it. A place that is its exact replica, save for some magic shenanigans. One where I can’t even explain how the boat sank since I’m pretty sure the general public doesn’t know about this place. That or Lakitu was livestreaming this and the public held a riot here after watching Part 1.

Or was everything in this bay a dream? Did Mario fall asleep from the top of the mountain due to oxygen deprivation instead and fall comatose at that moment? ...No, that doesn’t make sense either because Mario can get to the very top and not suffer anything. Plus he has water flowing outside so why on earth would he be losing air? So in other words there’s a chance the whole thing was genuine. Well I apologize, MM, for doubting the authenticity of the whole experience (but I still want to know how he got that 121st star). RIP my gunpowder joke, you will be missed.

Mario then attempts to leave Tall Tall Mountain, but like the main antagonist in the god-awful Super Mario Brothers live-action movie, he gets distracted by a monkey and picks it up (right after murdering a Fly Guy of course). Forgetting that this is a terrible action to do in SM64, Mario loses his hat and fails to get it back so hard that he ends up falling off the mountain and into the river below. The monkey taunts him, calling him a loser as he swims all the way down.

Mario tries to swim up this current obviously, but since it was already proved that the terrible Oiram didn’t stand a chance against it, surely as the hero Mario would fare better right?

...pfff no, it’s precisely because he’s Oiram’s original that Mario gets dragged down without much effort by the rapids, with it taking him past the Metal Cap Cavern and back to the castle. Mario of course tries to go back, but can’t activate his Moon Jump physics-breaking powers for some reason and ends up tipping over anyways like a clumsy dumbass.

Okay, apparently I didn’t give this current enough credit last time. If it’s able to cancel out physics-breaking powers and beat the famous hero of the Mushroom Kingdom then this truly is a threat worth fearing. I apologize for making fun of you earlier, Oiram, for I have underestimated the godly rapids of the castle’s waterfall. ...actually upon further thought and realization, no, I take back that take back. Mario doesn’t have his hat during this descent, and Mario had it on when he fought against these rapids. This must mean that Mario isn’t affected by these rapid’s power-decaying properties when he has his cap back. So take that, rapid, you’re only slightly less pathetic than I envisioned you to be.

Holy crud, we’re getting lore! Mario’s power is stored in his cap, no wonder he’s pissed about losing that thing right now! And I reckon that Oiram as Mario’s Opposite needed to take his hat off to beat those currents. Ah, it all makes sense now! It still means Oiram is dumb as marbles, though, since he didn’t think of that when he got dragged off.

So with Mario being shot down to the castle, using his above-Luigi intelligence, he decides to use the cannon to get to Tall, Tall Mountain instead. Which...hum there’s a painting in Peach’s Castle already, and I doubt that...oh wait this place has a magical warp to an alternate Jolly Roger Bay. So that must mean this is an alternate Tall, Tall Mountain too, and since all Mario had to do was moon jump up a waterfall in the caverns I can’t explain this as a dream anymore. Okay then, cannon it is. I was going to suggest not since:


 * 1) That cannon doesn’t have the range to go outside the castle limits and…
 * 2) Easier method in the castle already, why waste tons of gunpowder resources with one shot.

But eh because magic warp alternative place crud I guess this has to work. So Mario instantly declares that he’s going to kill the monkey...oh right I forgot, Mario’s a mass murderer in these videos for even the slightest of excursions. Granted a physics-breaking hat is more major than a bloody sign, but I dunno. I don’t think that monkey’s planning to take over the world anytime soon with that thing. And thus, music plays.

Oh no, it’s the Bad Music!

Oh wait, Mario’s calling it Revenge Music this time.

Which I mean I guess it is since it’s only played for revenge thus far, but the Creator MM himself said it was the bad music so I can’t go against his word either. Um...herm...what can I call it? Oh, right!

Oh no, it’s the Bad Revenge Music!

Yeah that works. So Mario uses a cannon to get to pseudo Tall, Tall Mountain, hovering over the castle and it’s filled aqueducts...wait a minute weren’t those drained in the previous video? In part 1? I noticed they were, how did they fill up this time? I was joking about La Revolucion, I didn’t think that actually happened! I think you have a lot more concerns than the monkey right now, Mario! Those protestors are trying to flood the castle and drown Peach, you need to do something about it?

What? No? The monkey needs to die instead? ...okay then, I guess Peach deserves it. Next we see Mario wasting a load of gunpowder by blasting not just to the mountain but about a mile above it, thus probably using enough fuel to pollute the castle in a thousand meter radius. Good job, Mario, you probably killed the Princess with that shot. Hope you’re proud. Oh, and once he lands, he immediately yells at Lakitu for his camerawork for being so slow despite the fact that Mario overshot by a long mile.

By this point I’m not even sure if ‘Morally Questionable’ is the right title for him anymore, I’m thinking of changing it to ‘Morally Awful’ instead. Actually, yeah, I’m now calling this the ‘Morally Awful Mario era’. He’s the bloody villain in these videos, I swear. Are we sure Oiram wasn’t the good guy in the last video, because for all his talk of being evil he sure didn’t seem to do a lot of evil stuff besides fight Mario, which is arguably heroic actually.

Finally fed up with Mario’s attitude, Lakitu speaks back with a ‘Don’t rush me!’.

Way to go Lakitu, I knew you’d muster up the confidence sometime! Put that fat Italian murder accomplice in his place! So Mario fights against the monkey using the power of Mario 64 running around gameplay, eventually getting him stuck in a running animation and catching him. He ends up getting his hat back, with the monkey begging to be let go by Mario. Mario, unsurprisingly...ends up leaving the monkey alone? Um...wow, I didn’t expect the plea to work. Maybe Mario isn’t…

Oh wait Mario just said he’s still planning to kill the monkey. Then why did you jump down? That’s a Luigi IQ-level dumb move on your part, Mario. Or did you just go down to taunt the monkey so that he could get some reprieve before realizing you were never intending to spare him in the first place? If it’s the latter, that’s cold, Mario! Anyways, Mario realizes that the monkey is heading to the top and Moon Jumps right there. But since he’s been capless for so long I guess he runs out of power or something and ends up falling down a level. I have to at least give MM props for not showing the monkey on the side during Mario’s Moon Jump ascent, as it makes the story beat of the top monkey more believable. Good choice there, MM.

So Mario passes by a cloud who cheers Mario on to kill this monkey...wait a minute is that a sentient cloud cheering for Mario? Well maybe he doesn't know of the situation, as his words are ‘Go get him, Mario!’ ...okay no he knows. ...hum okay then maybe he doesn’t realize Mario is going to murder this monkey instead of just stopping him? Passing by the Goombas he’s similarly cheered on...and one (#3) calls for Mario to destroy him.

Okay, so everyone on this mountain totally knows his intentions. I guess the locals are way, way more bloodthirsty than I thought. Was the monkey really that awful that everyone on the mountain wants him dead? Or did he start a brutal dictatorship on this faux mountain that only Mario can deal with? Or is everyone here more bloodthirsty than I realize and La Revolucion isn’t a call for peace, but the civilians finally having a chance to start a Purge now that Mario’s revealed his true colors? So many questions, but I’m not going to get any answers! Also why are you siding with the racist guy Goombas, the man who killed so much of your species in the past? You can do better than this, come on!

So assuming that the residents here are just tired from the monkey being around and the Purge happened in Mario’s alternate universe because I need to be an optimist for once, Mario makes it to the top...only to find that the monkey beat him. Dang, that’s a quick monkey! The monkey basically tries defending himself by saying it was a joke, but Mario flat-out admits that he can’t take a joke.

News flash! Jokes are now capital punishment in the Mushroom Kingdom, declares Mario! The sentence...death! So Mario eventually catches the monkey and uses the last of his Moon Jump powers to kill the guy, being saved from death thanks to the wind. As the monkey plummets to his death, Mario thanks the wind for the save, to which the wind literally replies ‘You’re welcome!’ …

…

…

WHAT.

The wind’s sentient? I...I...what? So that means...hold on, did Mario just get out of technically committing a murder for a third time in a row? I don’t even know the odds of that happening, Mario has to be the luckiest guy in the Mushroom Kingdom to have ever lived! Like no seriously, luck has to be on the side of Mario in these videos. Because it’s technically the wind’s fault, Mario let go and the wind didn’t hold the monkey up out of prejudice. So I guess this is Mario’s third close call with the title of ‘murderer’, something serial killers would be outright jealous of.

Also, since the wind helped out Mario, was the monkey so hated that the wind gained sentience just to try and murder that monkey later? So much that it could somehow speak? Because if so, I guess the monkey really did deserve death after all. I can’t imagine the deplorable things he would have to have done to get the wind to talk like that! So um okay, maybe the monkey dying was for the best. Doesn’t mean Mario’s any better, though.

So, having gotten away with murder again somehow, Mario comes back to the now presumably flooded castle having fallen to La Revolucion/Purge depending on what universe we’re talking about. MM, probably finally realizing that Peach might be dead about now, calls for Mario to end the bloopers quickly, not wanting this to get onto media coverage. Mario does so, with MM begging not to request for a third part. I can only conclude that third part had La Revolucion or the Purge in it since he’s not willing to make another one, but I guess we’ll never know.

And that was ‘Secret of the Waterfall!’, better known as ‘Mario explores a Waterfall and Murders a Monkey’. It was fairly average, with the relocations not being much creative since they’re literally the SM64 places. Plus this video really showed why Mario is not a likeable character in the MM universe so far. But I will give the videos this, it got my mind thinking. And I like thinking and creating stuff, so that’s always a plus.

The Extra Bonus Stuff:

Mario - 77 lines  [119, 82%] (Got the most speaking lines, but never my heart.)

MarioMario54321 - 1 lines [3, 2%] (Lazy bum decided to focus on Mario’s adventures instead of La Revolucion)

Lakitu - 2 lines [5, 3%] (Finally spoke up for himself, the true main protagonist of this story)

Narrator of the Dream/122nd Star Keeper - 1 lines [5, 3%] (I’m just going to assume he’s not MM. Also the guy literally used parallel universes as an excuse to wipe Mario’s treasure away, what a jerk.)

Goombas of ye Jolly Roger Bay - 0 lines (Every day, Goombas from all Mario lands face discrimination. #GoombaLivesMatter)

Monkey - 9 lines [9, 6%] (Apparently the most evil character if the locals are to be believed)

Cloud of ye Tall, Tall Mountain - 1 line [1, 1%] (Cloud)

Goomba #1 of ye Tall, Tall Mountain - 1 line [1, 1%] (The optimistic one, and probably a better candidate for a protagonist than Mario)

Goomba #2 of ye Tall, Tall Mountain - 1 line [1, 1%] (Okay more straightforward than the first one, but still he’s willing to dish out justice)

Goomba #3 of ye Tall, Tall Mountain - 1 line [1, 1%] (Mario if he were in Goomba form)

Wind of ye Tall, Tall Mountain - 1 line [1, 1%] (Wind you could have just let Mario fall too and been a hero)

Total Lines: 146 (The Most So Far)

Part Biggest Chad: Lakitu - By default since I literally don’t like or care about the rest of the major characters. The guy finally spoke up against Mario, he deserves a ribbon for doing that and surviving.

Part Biggest Loser: The Monkey - Getting the wind of all things to utterly despise and murder you automatically counts you for this position.

Whole Biggest Chad: Lakitu - Obviously. He filmed this whole thing despite all the abuse and hardship. Really he more than deserves this award.

Whole Biggest Loser: Mario - Okay being hated by the wind is one thing, but a keeper literally stealing your treasure away even though you won it fair and square because of a petty reason as parallel universes has to be legit one of the biggest losses of all time. Mario did totally deserve it, though.

Favorite Quote: "No Happiness!! Just Goombas!" - Racist Mario. (I cannot even begin to describe how racist this sounds, the sheer absurdity of Mario saying this makes this easily the most memorable line in the entire video.)

And that’s it. Now that the Secret of the Waterfall is done, it’s time for the next video. We won’t get Mario next time (thank the Mushroom Kingdom God) but instead we’re getting MM himself! I know you’re wondering how that could work, and you’ll find out in the next review!