User blog:WikiSchm2000/The MarioMario54321 Review Marathon - Part 26

Luigi Kart 64 Bloopers (January 13, 2008) [Runtime: 8:33] 

Prelude:

Viewers of this blog series, we’ve finally done it! We’ve made it past MM’s first year of video production and reached the year of 2008. This was by far and away MM’s busiest year, accounting for over 200 of the many videos on his channel. You heard me right, over two bloody hundred. Which means that for the year of 2008 alone I’m going to have to make over two hundred parts just to cover what he’s made. Granted, that’s including a bunch of really short videos, but it’s still a lot nonetheless.

And what better video to start this busy year off with than one that doesn’t even feature Mario as the main protagonist? Yep, MM decided that for his first video this year he was going to have Luigi star in his own video called ‘Luigi Kart 64 Bloopers’. As expected, this stars Luigi as the main protagonist. How does the green plumber’s first outing fare out compared to his brother’s? We’ll find out right now!

See this video first before reading on to get your own properly informed opinion:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e58Nu-QsVZg&list=PLNPi6H0sXYaCHQG4Br4q5yZJp8uxhid2B&index=26

The Main Video:

Before we start, MM addresses that the reason he’s making this video is because people often use Mario in their Mario Kart videos and not Luigi. So, he opted to give Luigi a shining moment for this video and to let him take center stage. And to be honest, I’m all on board for this idea. Having some other characters get attention every now and then and go on their own adventures breaks up the monotony quite a bit. Plus, given that I’m more of a fan of Luigi in these videos than Mario right now, I’m not complaining at all about getting a way better protagonist for a spare story.

We start immediately with a contrasting character choice as Luigi decides not to try jumping the ramp, instead going the intended route of the course. Immediately this shows that he’s more sensible than Mario is and won’t take unnecessary risks. I actually like this contrast as it firmly differentiates Luigi’s character from Mario’s and sets it up on its own. Also there’s a line he says where he ‘finally gets to have an adventure’, which has me wondering. Does MM just not allow Luigi to embark on some videos? Does he keep Luigi locked up somewhere so that he doesn’t roam around? How come Luigi’s so excited to have his lone adventure when he’s had some in the past already?

Anyways, Luigi ends up in the jungle course, meaning that in the span of one minute Luigi has already reached the same location that took Mario nearly half of a video to get to. If you remember, it was this jungle where the cave of gold was. Which means that if Mario weren’t such a daredevil snob he would have gotten there much sooner. And heck, even though Luigi got here sooner, he didn't even go for the gold. He just politely asks to board a boat and does so with the permission of the captain instead of ramming right into the boat. I don’t know how a boat can fit a kart like that, but at the very least I appreciate Luigi not docking until he’s given a clear. It also helps that there seems to be ample room to board that thing, which is another sensible decision by Luigi that Mario utterly failed with the whole train incident.

Luigi finds himself in a water pier listening to a song. Now, because YouTube’s music copyright system is about as solid as nuts and bolts strewn together in a stew, the reupload of this video had some rather glaring new music that I’ll point out as we go along. The original track here is just...weird. Like, really, really weird. Like the beginning’s a nice piano track, but then I kid you not the lyrics are “Morning has broken, like the first morning. Black bird has spoken, like the first bird.” What do you mean, ‘like the first morning?’ or ‘like the first bird?’ Why the black bird, or even which black bird? Is it this morning or another morning? I question you, readers, what is this song? What is the context behind it? I’m genuinely curious. The replacement track for this is legit a Scooby-Doo instrumental song, which sounds way less interesting than whatever the ‘first morning’ song was.

Anyways, Luigi gets bored of that and decides to go on the freeway.

Oh yes, this is the first time we’re seeing the freeway gag isn’t it? I’m going to have to explain for this one. On the map Toad’s Turnpike, for whatever reason, MM decided to keep a permanent running gag on this track and this track only. Basically, whenever any kart driver rides on this freeway, there’s cops there to arrest them. Now you may think that’s ridiculous, and you’re asking why they would arrest kart drivers on a raceway. And to answer that question, I speak my own question: why the hell are they putting a raceway on a turnpike filled with driving cars that could very well crash into these go-karters? It makes no sense, and it just sounds like a giant lawsuit waiting to happen. So on account for Toad’s Turnpike being a giant mistake of a race course to begin with I’m just going to accept it’s a freeway for cars and that it’s a government-maintained road. It honestly makes complete sense, so massive credit to whoever came up with this idea. I’m not sure if it was MM who first did it or not.

Anyways, Luigi prepares to get on this turnpike before realizing what a mistake that is. He can’t go fast because of the police, but not slowly because he doesn’t want to get hit by all the other vehicles. If this were Mario I’m pretty sure he would have driven out and tried murdering the police for what they did to him, so it’s nice to see Luigi actually take the threat of the law into consideration here. Unfortunately he’s not sensible enough to actually follow it, though, since I guess the speed demon in him just can’t be satiated. Like, do you really have to break the law here, Luigi? Speed limits exist to protect people, you know. Or do you think you’d crash because you’re not used to going any other speed than racing speed? Actually now that I think about it, that’s a good reason as to why Luigi has to go his racing speed.

But knowing he can’t just break the law, he decides to commit one of the most nefarious plans of all time: letting someone else be caught by the police first! Actually that’s a good plan, provided that there’s only one police monitor on this turnpike for some reason. And to help out, Luigi tricks Wario into driving out. Ah, finally! Wario appears in one of these videos! I can’t wait to see how MM twists his character. Wario drives out into the turnpike after being promised that there were gold coins at the end by Luigi, which...okay what?

How did Wario fall for that? This is a commercial turnpike, there’s no way he could be tempted into thinking a place like this would hold a treasure like that! Yeah he’s stupid, but he’s not that stupid! Although granted, this is actually not that bad of an example. At the very least, MM made Wario’s motivation greed, which he would get under most any circumstance. So even though he’s dumber than he should be, at the very least I can buy he would be tempted in some way by this.

So Wario speeds and gets arrested, with the police officer addressing him simply as ‘fat guy’.

Wow. WOW. Not ‘you in the yellow overalls’, not ‘you with the plumber’s attire’ and not even a ‘you with the crooked mustache’? You really just called him the ‘fat guy’? If this guy’s an average example of the police in this world, it’s no wonder that the Princess needs a plumber of all people to be her entire military force. These guys are jerks, like seriously! Also how doesn’t he recognize who Wario is? Like, isn’t he one of the most prominent people in this entire kingdom? How do people just not know who he is? Also, Wario was listening to Scatman Music. Scatman Counter: 15.

Getting Wario to take the shot for him, Luigi drives off while listening to Drake Bell music. He says that Drake Bell is better than Scatman, and already I’m questioning Luigi’s authenticity as a likeable main character.

Nah I’m just kidding, but I should note that in the reupload he still says this line while Melee music’s playing instead. Aye, I didn’t know Drake Bell composed the legendary Super Smash Bros Melee! Anyways Luigi says that it ‘works every time’, which...wait he’s done this before? Like, tricked Wario with the gold coins excuse or tricked someone into getting blindsided by the police on the turnpike? It can’t be the former because there’s no way Wario would still be getting tricked by Luigi at this point. Also I take it Luigi got the signal to go from Wario’s scream in the distance, which must have been really, really loud. And, like Luigi expected, this turnpike really did only have one cop on it for some reason.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. Didn’t Luigi do something wrong in placing the blame on Wario? And why aren’t you saying anything about this? Well, you’re right, what Luigi did was kind of a jerk move. Getting someone else arrested is not really all that noble of Luigi to do. But I will give Luigi this at least, his target was Wario. Frankly I could totally see Wario speeding down the turnpike regardless, and he really should be in prison by this point. So Luigi tricking him and getting him arrested is technically a service to the Mushroom Kingdom, believe it or not. Plus, Luigi pays royally when he rams into a truck and veers off into parts unknown. Yep, that’s what you get for breaking the rules Luigi.

He finds himself in chocolate mountains, where he takes a pit stop near falling rocks. Like some sort of dumb idiot he decides to try and tank the boulders because he has a ‘lead hat’ on. Wait a minute, that has to be a thin piece of lead then if he’s able to wear that thing without being bogged down. In fact I dare say it would be completely useless against boulders. There’s no way that entire green hat is lead, he wouldn’t be able to wear it otherwise. I’m proven exactly right when it inevitably crushes him, making him fly right up in the air.

Luigi then ends up in the desert track...oh no. OH NO. Oh this place, this place doesn’t give me good memories. I remember Mario’s mass slaughter here, I know that this is a cursed place indeed. Three hundred and fifty one people lost their lives here before, it’s a burial ground by this point! Also I find it funny that this is one of the last places that Luigi visits and the first that Mario fits, it’s almost like book-ends. Regardless, Luigi is far, far more sane than Mario and actually lets the train pass by first. He outright says that if he’s hit, then he’ll stop at nothing to hunt down and destroy that train.

Knowing the previous video and how Luigi still wanted to spare his brother still, it makes me wonder. Does Luigi inadvertently have Mario’s aggressive tendencies too, just to a degree where he can control himself before he goes too far? Or is this whole desert just a cursed place where anyone who rams into the train automatically becomes a murderer? Regardless, Luigi waits at the train tracks like a good boy and passes through afterwards. But after that, another train appears on some other tracks and Luigi outright rams into it. I’m surprised it wasn’t obliterated (actually it wasn’t because of MK64 physics), but this is enough to make Luigi finally lose it.

Oh, great, so we’re getting Evil Luigi now? Well yeah he’s angry towards the train, but he first wants to bypass it or try to jump over it. It’s nice to see he’s trying to try other options besides complete destruction, despite them being insanely weird. Also for some reason even going over the train Luigi crashes into it.

Which...okay I know out-of-universe it’s collision detection, and Luigi even acknowledges that. But screw it, that's a boring explanation, let’s come up with an in-universe reason for this. Um...ghosts? Yeah that’s the only one I have. If Luigi could crash in the middle of thin air, that train is definitely haunted.

And if it is, that actually makes sense. Of course no one would want to be here after what Mario did to them, no one would be insane enough to come here. All those trains are just hauntings from the three hundred souls that died that day, ready to seek vengeance on kart racers who wronged them before. It also addresses why no one seems to speak from these trains, and why Luigi never references anyone being on board. So if that’s the case, then I’m fine with Luigi going ahead and ramming into one to utterly obliterate it. Heck, his kart is still standing perfectly still in the aftermath, meaning his kart is better than Mario’s by default. My only complaint is that Luigi didn’t get his own ‘No!’ line, but eh I suppose that’s just Mario’s thing.

Luigi takes a tunnel and winds up at the beach. After submerging himself and his water-proof kart in water, he comes out and decides to head back home. I like how he just says he’ll try again when failing the ramp jump instead of getting mad, although that doesn’t quite line up with the whole train thing that happened earlier. Luigi ends up getting back and the video ends. When it does, though, MM reveals that the reason Luigi got these bloopers was because Mario was sick. Ah, well I suppose that makes sense. Because obviously in this universe MM is biased far more towards Mario being the main star, given he’s the more chaotic of the two. Also if Mario’s sick, does that mean he has the flu? Well now Peach can just leave him to die now and get that sweet revenge from three years ago, it’s practically perfect!

So that was ‘Luigi Kart 64 Bloopers’. It was mildly enjoyable, far more low-key and relaxing with Luigi at the helm. And honestly, there are points where Luigi’s laid back approach is more relaxing than Mario’s. But honestly, for as despicable as Mario is, he’s extremely entertaining in being so utterly assassinated as a character. Like, there were points in this where I was bored with Luigi roaming around whereas I could see Mario having far more outlandish reactions to these scenarios. It’s quite interesting how different these two are in this series, and how well both work in different environments.

The Extra Bonus Stuff:

Luigi - 52 lines (At last, our protagonist taking his seat as the crowning prince of lines)

Boat Captain - 1 line (Chill captain)

Boat Passengers - 1 line (Chill people)

‘Fat Guy’ Wario - 1 line (Had a few voice grunts but I’m not counting those)

Toad’s Turnpike Police - 1 line (His one line was the most insulting thing I may have read thus far)

Biggest Chad: Luigi - Tricked Wario somehow, exposed the shortcomings of an entire police force, rammed into a haunted ghost train effortlessly, showed Mario up numerous times without even trying to...yeah, he’s the biggest chad here all right.

Biggest Loser: Wario - Again how dumb do you have to be to get arrested like that? At least he has a better taste in music than Luigi.

Favorite Quote: “Stop right there fat guy! You are speeding!” - The Toad’s Turnpike Police Officer (Ah yes, our hero of the law being impartial and caring in his work. But no seriously fat-shaming officers are never a good sign for a society, this line is so blatant.)

But if you thought this story was done, it’s actually not! We’ll be going over all the deleted scenes next time!